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How being a gay man can make your body issues worse

Of course it isn't.

Love between consenting adults is always beautiful, and it should be celebrated in all its forms. No one should ever feel ashamed for loving someone, regardless of gender or color. Besides, "hapa" meaning "half Asian, half white" people tend to be ridiculously attractive, so it's probably not an offense against nature. Personally, I grew up with white uncles and hapa cousins, and I like miscegenation in general. If everyone reproduced with each other until we were all the same lovely shade of brown, the world would be a better place, I guarantee it.

Gay culture, of course, has a lot of snarky fun with this phenomenon. A "rice queen" is a white gay man who has a strong proclivity for gay men of Asian descent. A "potato queen" is a gay Asian man who returns this exclusive attraction to his white admirers. But my favorite label has to be "sticky rice," a hilarious title for a gay Asian man who only dates other Asian men. Sticky rice is the forbidden carb of rice queens.

As for me?

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I like to say I'm "jasmine rice": In fact, I prefer not to date rice queens or sticky rice because I like people who are open-minded in general, regardless of whether or not it falls in my favor. In my book, equal-opportunity sexploitation is the way to go. But it is rare for me to be mutually attracted to another Asian man. I'll approach an Asian hottie in WeHo only to be interjected by his white boyfriend -- who is rarely as hot, it's worth mentioning or that might just be my sour grapes.

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Granted, I myself have been seen with my own share of non-Asian men, and there is heavy judgment from some sticky-rice Asians, as if I'm betraying my own race by opening my Great Wall to outsiders, particularly if the guy is white. In the meanest of contexts, to be labeled a "potato queen" is to be a self-hater, and to be a "rice queen" is to be a fetishist.

It's rather unfair. I won't go so far to say that it's a lose-lose situation, because everyone in it is still getting laid.

But there is a certain uncomfortable undertone to all of this, and I need to ask it: Do hot Asians feel like they have to "graduate" to white people? I'd prefer not to think so. What if there's just a naturally common attraction between Asians and whites? Is that so wrong? We can even approach it from an aesthetic viewpoint.

In fashion, interior design, art, and even food plating, we are encouraged to match separates and to embrace juxtapositions of different colors and shapes. Why not do that with race and romance? But of course it isn't that simple. When I first came out, my most liberal cousin Karen who is notably one half of a hot Asian couple told me that I should strongly consider dating only other Asian men. When I asked her why, she told me that there are certain cultural barriers when it comes to dating outside one's race.

Thomas Roberts

And that's completely fair and valid. But that's probably the point, isn't it? Because maybe the complications of an interracial relationship are what make them attractive: Maybe it's even a status symbol: I'll never forget this: I was in San Francisco several years ago S. Instead, his eyes wandered to a handsome white boy who was clearly trying to figure out if we were sticky rice.

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The two locked eyes and exchanged a knowing look. When it comes to appearance, gay men hold themselves - and one another - to far more exacting standards. I spoke to a few men anonymously about this on Grindr. A leading gay lifestyle magazine, Attitude, has just published an entire issue dedicated to body image problems in the gay community. Part of the obsession some gay men have with their appearance definitely comes from seeking validation. HueyDavid - YouTube.

They look past your sexual orientation.

How to be Gay and Happy. Todd argued that homosexuality is often accompanied by feelings of shame stemming from a lack of acceptance in society. Those feelings can lead to a lack of acceptance for ourselves, which leads to an unhealthy fixation with our appearance. In , the International Journal of Eating Disorders found that gay or bisexual men were three times more likely than straight men to have body image issues.

Kyle Dean Massey

It seems to be the other way around for women, with a study finding that lesbian women reported less body dissatisfaction than heterosexual women. According to the lesbian blogger Denise Warner, "women are more accepting of body flaws, possibly because they're so aware of the sexism in mainstream media" when it comes to promoting unattainable beauty standards.

I came out when I was 15 years old. David compared himself to boys he thought were more attractive than him. David also thinks the LGBT community is judgmental about appearance.

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In terms of physical traits, I think that largely they are similar with a few major distinctions: Reflecting on the hit musical show, Leung told Out , "Glee celebrates the underdog, and it was one of the first bold tellings of a teenage gay love story. I like to say I'm "jasmine rice": Sign In. More from Minds Matter. Aiden Shaw is one of the most famous former gay porn stars in the world, but today he is more known for his writing. When it comes to appearance, gay men hold themselves - and one another - to far more exacting standards.

They go for two hours in the morning and two in the evening. It definitely affects people negatively. Getty Images. A Grindr user agreed. They decided to make their video — in which they strip naked and talk candidly about their insecurities — after watching a documentary about the pressure women face to conform to media-driven beauty standards. Gay conversion therapy: All Together Now: The choir singer dedicating his song to fellow members of the trans community.